Tracing
During COVID-19, I experienced a range of emotions and wanted to record them as a form of self-reflection. I focused on drawing in response to an internal observation to allow for the suspension of judgement and expression. I used Chinese ink as the predominant medium and chopsticks as the drawing tool to limit my conscious control of the implement and to allow for careful and detailed observation. It is a trace of my daily internal emotions. I have selected a subset of my observations below. All the ink sketches are done on 17.5cm by 22.5cm paper with the ink lines varying in size. For the narrative behind this series, ensure to visit my "Tracing" write-up in "Behind the Lens".
Heaviness
The feeling of heaviness. The lines seem to give off a sense of constant movement. The first stroke seems slower compared to the latter lines near the end of the stroke. The lines seem to be capturing a form of energy or alertness in the movement of the lines.
Numbness
I felt numb. There are some angular components to the lines but they seem reserved; perhaps shown in the finer ink strokes? The lines also seem restricted in a vertical space. Perhaps this feeling is restricted or controlling in someways?
Ease
I felt at ease and relaxed. I followed this feeling as it moved through my eyes. The ink drawing seems to show more curvy lines. The lines also appear to move slower and has a thickness to them, especially the first ink stroke. I do see a couple small spikes but they seem to mellow overtime.
Passion
I felt a sense of passion and drive. The ink seems to form a cyclical path. It is also maze-like and seems to continue on with no obvious end point. Perhaps there’s no end point? Perhaps it’s a search path to an implicit destination?
Post-Concentration
I focused on the feeling post-concentration. I felt my nerves continuing to fire. I followed the nerves’ path. There seems to be a back and forth of the lines, travelling between a short distance. The lines also seem focused in someway, perhaps the compactness of this ink sketch adds to this observation?
Calmness
After an episode of anxiety, I felt calmness. The line goes downward towards the left. I wonder if it is recording energy level? Or perhaps the way the anxiety nerves are travelling?
Frustration
I felt frustrated and angry. I re-dipped my ink for this reflection. The lines seem angular and forceful and gives off a sense of energy. Perhaps shown in the thickness and peak in the lines? Perhaps it’s contained energy, considering how the lines seemed to be contained in an area of the page? The image also seems to be expanding outwards.
Anxiety
The feeling of anxiety and subconsciously calming myself to disperse the anxious energy. The line goes right and then downwards. There are triangular spikes as you go down and follow the line. Perhaps the spikes are the subconscious effort to calm myself? Or perhaps it is showing the anxiety decreasing as spikes get smaller or travel downwards?
Love
The feeling of love associated with the thought of the physical sensation of touch. There’s a calm and easy energy to the line. The line encompasses small wave-like patterns that carries throughout. The line goes downwards, upwards and then downwards again. There’s a sense of constancy to the line. I wonder whether actual touch would elicit a different quality to the lines?
Jealousy
The feeling of jealousy or something like it. There’s overlap in the lines and an area of concentration. It seems careful and compressed in someways. Perhaps this is a feeling I subconsciously suppress in someways?
Stress
A feeling of exhaustion and stress. The lines seem thick, perhaps related to the quality of heaviness that could be related to this feeling? The lines also seem to go back and forth. There’s a sense of convolution and complexity in the lines.
Longing
The feeling of missing and longing. There’s less overlap of the line here, but the line seems thick and moving slowly on the page. There’s a sense of heaviness to the drawing. Perhaps there’s a sense of weight to this feeling of longing?
Tiredness
The feeling of tiredness or low energy. The lines seem to be relatively flat with little up or downs along the way. There seems to be a branch off the starting line. The line seems to travel back a bit to create this branching line. Perhaps there’s a back and forth quality to tiredness?
Disorientation
The feeling of drunkenness/disorientation. The lines seem to go back and forth in loops and overlap. There’s something freeing about the lines. There are also minimal angles in the lines.
Sexual Tension
The feeling of sexual tension. There’s massive overlap of the lines to form undistinctive circles. The lines are also concentrated in some areas and not others. It forms a cloud-like appearance. There are some angled lines interspersed with curvy lines. Perhaps illustrating the urges and the back and forth quality associated with this feeling?
Contentment
The feeling of contentment. The line seems to head down towards the left side. There’s a contemplative quality to the lines. Perhaps shown by the slow movement of the lines and the resulting “fade” quality of the ink?
Fearfulness
The feeling of nervous energy and fear. There’s a sense of cautiousness to the lines in the way they branch out finely from the central blob of ink. The end of the line resembles sparks or perhaps dissipating energy? There’s a sense of unpredictability to the lines, especially at the end of the ink stroke. There’s also a sense of heaviness in the central ink blob. Perhaps there’s a weight to this feeling?